some sort of ray of sunshine

Guess what.

2012-02-10T21:37:00.001-06:00

I got a job. I am now a part-part-time employee at Rung Boutique. Rung is a high-end second-hand clothing store for career women. One hundred percent of their proceeds go to the Women's Foundation of St. Louis. By "part-part-time," I mean that I work once or twice a week, but I am not complaining. I need a job and this is a great place, so I'll take it and do my best.

To get this job, I had to piece together three outfits from items in the store: 1) lady going in for an interview, 2) lady going on a date, 3) lady in springtime. I guess she was one good-looking lady.

Also, these are the people who asked me the superhero question. I'm glad I have the chance to tell them my real answer.

2012-02-06T23:42:00.001-06:00

super bowl

2012-02-06T21:18:00.001-06:00

I really enjoyed the Super Bowl. I've made it a goal to get into sports some more . . . or just more because I've never been into them up to this point. I suppose after watching 5 seasons of Friday Night Lights, anyone might make that same decision. Sports have a way of bringing people together, even if it is for something short-lived and unproductive in the grand scheme of things. Why watch people fight each other over a ball or a score to which we give arbitrary meaning? Why watch as people get injured, damaged, sometimes permanently? Why lose your voice while cheering for something that won't matter tomorrow or five years from now? But, perhaps, it will matter days and months from now. For instance, I seriously regret never attending a single Jimmer game at BYU. I attended BYU while Jimmer was making history, but I never made the time or spent the cash to go see him in action. My friends will talk about those games for years to come, most likely, and I won't be able to talk with them. More importantly, I won't be able to share the memories of experiencing the thrill, adrenaline, and camaraderie in the moment.

I think sports are powerful. In FNL, the football coach was deemed a molder of men. As the series unfolded and developed, you could see how he did, in fact, shape men into being leaders on the field and off the field, partners with their team members, men of integrity and empathy, men who were gracious and kind. Yes, it was scripted and, yes, it was not real life, but real people wrote that story. I think the point of Friday Night Lights was to show how people can reach their very best potential and it was delivered through the medium of high school football, high school, marriage, family, and friendships. Recently, I watched an episode of GLEE where Coach Beast said that the point of football is not to win big games or gain a reputation but to bring a community together. Again, I realize the incredibility of my sources, but it's what I got to work with.

So, I want to get into sports and give them a real shot. Sports really do bring people together in the stands or in the living room, and it is good to be together.

So, now to some technical things of sports that I do not understand yet: Why was Eli Manning named MVP of NYG if he wasn't even on the field when they won the game? Why wasn't he on the field at the same time as Tom Brady? Why do they get paid so much money? Can anyone answer these questions? I'd really appreciate it.

I realize sports can bring out the best and worst in people, but I'm going to keep the faith that sports are inspired and fun.

2012-02-06T20:54:00.004-06:00

lana del ray >>> blue jeans

my ideal job for right now

2012-02-03T12:37:00.000-06:00

would be something that includes an element of art/design and power tools, which leads me to one place I can think of . . . the framing department in Michael's.

you think you're ready for a job interview

2012-02-03T12:28:00.002-06:00

but then the employer asks you something stupid like, "If you were a superhero, which superhero would you be?" My first thought was, "Well, I'm morally against answering Wonder Woman because she's unrealistic in so many ways and her lasso of truth is too kinky for me," so I answered something stupid like Batman . . . as a woman. Whatever, I don't even know where I was going with that.

But after having a couple days of to think the question over and remain unemployed, I've decided my official answer:

Jennifer Hudson.

2012-02-03T01:45:00.004-06:00

purpose.

2012-02-03T01:27:00.001-06:00

I love my internship in St. Louis. Today, I interviewed a chef who recently opened a new restaurant. They do a No Menu Monday and I got to ask her questions about it while the photographer took pictures. Apparently, the guests fill out a questionnaire indicating if they have food allergies, what foods they love or hate, and if they are going for taste or fewer calories. I think No Menu Mondays is a brilliant risk and a lot of fun, but the best part was that I, the lowly unpaid intern, was asked to interview her for a spread in the magazine. That's not all, though. When we got back to the office, David briefly showed me how he shoots pictures for feature stories then asked me to style two shoots. I was thrilled.

Today was the first day in a long time that I have felt useful, productive, appreciated, and happy.

2012-02-01T00:28:00.002-06:00

photo via: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Utah_State_Parks

I came to this realization today.

The Circumstantial Breakup « Thought Catalog

2012-01-31T23:56:00.000-06:00

The Circumstantial Breakup « Thought Catalog

word.

2012-01-30T22:24:00.005-06:00

try looking past their (creepy) eyes because this is actually really cute. I woke up one morning to Jack and Jodi patiently waiting for me to leave my room. They must have dragged their bed to my door in the middle of the night because it's usually on the other side of the room.

wax museum

2012-01-30T19:20:00.000-06:00

taking the metro to downtown stl with friend, Andy

mirror

2012-01-21T17:51:00.003-06:00

21/1\12
the twenty-first of january two thousand twelve

2012-01-05T19:33:00.006-06:00

my roots have grown but I don't know where they are

the head and the heart//cats & dogs

tid.bit.

2011-12-29T23:29:00.000-06:00

Me: 'Scuse me. Where can I find the APA Publication Manual?
B&N employee: Behind the cash register.
Me: Why isn't it with the rest of the reference books?
B&N employee: It's one of the most stolen books we have. It's on the high-theft list. That and the Bible.
Me: Thank you.

Christmastime

2011-12-29T02:49:00.005-06:00

christmas eve

joe & felicita

joann & pete

me & me

joe put too much gas in the creme brulee-er

joann made felicita an apron, oven mitt, and two pot holders

the neighbors

christmas

santa brought new friends for christmas

traditional Christmas dinner with pork roast, german potato salad, german red cabbage, and my childhood

favorite of cream peas

traditional italian dessert with panodoro cake and, well, pie, which is not italian. we'll just say torta di chocolate.

i think the one on the right looks like John Cusack.
slightly.

we always have christmas hats.
i loved christmas this year.

2011-12-29T00:38:00.002-06:00

cults/go outside

looking forward to _____________________

2011-12-27T23:09:00.003-06:00

a very good story that I finished last summer

ping pong

wait for it

doubles as a pool table!

new family Christmas present

can't wait to beat joe at his own game
in his own house

2011-12-27T11:36:00.001-06:00

vice versa: exploring the multidimensional female persona//amber valetta & shalom harlow//vogue

silk//sequin//leather

for my skin please

First things first.

2011-12-24T01:09:00.000-06:00

I've "come home" three times in the past month. First was coming home to the United States; second was coming home to Provo, UT; third was coming home to the parents' house in St. Louis, MO. It seems that every time I have "come home" in the past month, I've done the same things: Eat at a favorite cafe, go shoe shopping, and then hit up the bakery. This is a pattern in my life I don't see a need to change.

hot boba tea in L.A.

thrift shoe shopping in Hollywood

new friends

ok, instead of a bakery, we did macrobiotic. When in Hollywood . . .

I don't have pictures to document the inbetween, which belongs here. Between LA and St. Louis, I was in Provo. What were the first things I did? Take Chloe out to brunch at Gourmandise Bakery & Cafe on 3rd West, help Chloe pick out a pair of boots at Nordstrom, then go to yet another bakery.

creperie in St. Louis

'dem heels

paper bags from wood bakery

classic favorites from a new favorite bakery

2011-12-21T22:22:00.000-06:00

Yesterday, I had the good fortune of stumbling across a box of books. A paper above the box read, "Free Books. Take One." So I did. I've always wanted to read this story. Anything inspired by a Vermeer painting must be promising, in my opinion. Vermeer was one of the artists in HUM 202 Art History that made an impression on me. Many of his paintings have maps. I love maps. If I were to ever collect something, it would be maps of all the places I've been. Maps can be so beautiful and old and delicate and full of history and records. Just like the ones in Vermeer's paintings. It's exquisite how he manages to paint the faint details of the map as well as the immediate subject. I also love how he uses them to fill the lofty spaces above his sitters. One more thing—the curtains—or, rather, repoussiers. They hold you back from the scene but invite you at the same time. I want my house to be full of curtains because of Vermeer. I want them to separate each room. It just seems so cozy and romantic.

Woman in Blue Reading a Letter

The Art of Painting

The Geographer

My house will be a Vermeer house:

maps
curtains
muted colors
ladies
letters
sunlight

One Month

2011-12-20T00:48:00.004-06:00

Today marks one month since I've been home from Cambodia. In this month, I have been to Los Angeles, Salt Lake City, and St. Louis. Most of me is happy to be home and reconnect with these places and friends, but another part of me is holding back and doesn't want to fully embrace being here because it means letting go of Cambodia.

I just don't want to forget everything I learned about myself and about Cambodia and Thailand and about my students and teachers, and, especially, about my host family. Despite my fight to hang on, my body seems to be letting go by adapting to normal life . . . and food again, slowly but surely. For example, my digestive system wanted nothing to do with American food for a good week but now it's back on track craving all the sugary goodies of the season. As uncomfortable as I was that week, I was also happy to hold on to that little part of Cambodia. The part where I rejected anything that wasn't fish and rice everyday. The part where I shared a bowl of mango salad and red peppers with my co-workers. The part where I bought a whole pineapple for $0.50 and shared it with the housekeeper on long, hot afternoons. The part where Lyly and I would eat huge bowls of noodles and soup every morning after exercise. The food was so delicious and natural and pure and didn't make my body hurt (except the abundance of rice may have made me feel really bloated all the time) but I'm having to let that go now because nobody is selling fresh fruit on the side of the street, Om isn't drying whole fishes in the sunlight that is seeping through the holes in the ceiling, and nobody knows just how to cook noodles in this town. I miss the food, not just because it was rich and tasty but because of who I shared it with.

I really miss those people. I hate "missing" things, though. I'm getting tired of it. It's painful and exhausting. I think the best way to stop "missing" someone or something is to make it a part of your life. So, who do I miss? My driver, Mara; My host sister, Mony; My neighbor, Lyly; Om, the housekeeper; Srey Eang, my student. There are too many details to try and sum up and frankly I don't think I can do it via writing, but the one thing all of these people have in common is devotion. Not to me, although they were devoted to me, but the idea of me. They are devoted to anyone or anything that is kind, respectful, good, fun, etc. These were my true friends. I can count on them to remember me and hope to see me again for the rest of my life. From Mara, I will learn to be accountable and counted on. He always took on not only his own tasks but anyone else's who wasn't meeting the challenge. Oh and also to be ready to love a total stranger and hope that they marry you and live with you on their farm one day. From Mony, I will learn that family is most important. Even when your family members are not your best friends, they are your mother or sister and they are yours to love and care for forever. And also how to open a coconut with a meat cleaver. From Lyly, I will learn to never hesitate for a single moment to invite a friend to family dinner or a party, never hesitate to make someone's life a little more comfortable or exciting. Also, I won't freak out if my kid pees in the middle of a store and takes his pants off. No, I won't even react or scold him—that's life. From Om, I will learn that you don't have to speak the same language to get to know someone. You just have to look and observe and listen and treat them all the same and put others before yourself. She also taught me that, in the meantime while you can't speak the same language, you can always talk to yourself for company. From Eang, I will learn to be the best, most excited student. I will learn that even when my parents and friends are gone or suffering, I can trust my teachers to love and teach me. I will ask them questions and rely on them for what I need them for. I will also give the best spa treatment ever, because that's what people deserve! I love these people.

I also miss sharing time with myself. I had a lot of time to myself, especially at night. Ever since I've been back in the country, I haven't had that same time, nor did I know how much I cherished it. I've always been a people person, gravitating towards conversations, groups, and parties, but my time abroad really gave me the chance to learn to love hanging out with myself. And NPR, of course. When there was nothing else to do, no one to hang out with, and I was tired of feeling sad and alone, I started to draw, doodle, write poems, but mostly read and write in my journal. Write stories. Look up words in the dictionary. Write postcards. Write. I learned that when I have the time, I love to write. I don't write anything exceptionally insightful or transcendant at all, but just writing for myself. Writing about my thoughts, recording events, asking questions and answering them, writing to people, writing about people. I haven't written so much since I've been home, and I feel it. Something in my life is lacking and it's the "me time." The hour to read, think, and write. I'm grateful that Cambodia helped uncover some puzzle pieces in my life. If it weren't for my time there, I wouldn't know this about myself—that I need to be alone sometimes, well, a lot of times, and that I need to write and read and think to myself. I wouldn't know that that makes me really happy. Without Cambodia, I wouldn't know that I find happiness in me.

I'm afraid of the distractions of normal life. There are too many and I'm letting them impede my groove. It's not really going to be possible to have hours to myself again, but I need to have at least one hour or so. Everyone should. I really reconnected with myself mentally, physically, and spiritually. For the first time in a long time, I was getting plenty of sleep, showering regularly, taking care of my skin, hair, and nails. Yes, I was glamorous in a third world country. I felt beautiful. I, also, felt spiritually alive. I felt more open to inspiration and able to progress in my faith. Yes, I still wanted to rebel against every typical thing my institute teachers were saying, but it kept me reading scriptures and pondering in my own way. I just came to understand that there are people in the world who totally and fully rely on this man, Jesus Christ. They believe Him and His Father are the source of everything they have, and I believed them. Because I saw what they had and it was not much, but their perspective was in one place and I don't think it was misguided. It kept them very happy and grateful and giving.

Ok, so this has been good to write. The more comfortable I get in this life, the more I feel like I'm letting Cambodia down. I wanted to write and give life to these people and experiences in my memory. I think this blog post is a form of closure for me and I love closure, just ask my Xboyfriend, who is patient and understanding. Hmmm, there are so many stories that I want to tell but I don't know where to begin. I suppose experiences like this are meant to be rationed out at the right time and place. Yea, that way you'll never forget and they'll truly be a part of your life and conversation later on down the road.

Ok. This past month hasn't been so bad at all, after all.

????

2011-12-18T16:16:00.000-06:00

I have so many questions right now:

Why don't I feel like myself right now?

What's so bad about staying at home?

Why don't I feel motivated?

Why can't I figure out spotify?

What is the drama with the mailbox in season 4 of FNL?

What will I be doing come January 3, 2012?

Where should I go?

Why does my heart still hurt?

jet lag

2011-11-22T08:38:00.001-06:00

and missing my students

what now

Sihanoukville

2011-11-01T05:23:00.004-05:00

I went to the beach and I loved it. I regret not taking pictures with all of the people I met. I'll tell you one absolutely great moment that I'll remember forever. I was sitting at the bar when the shamefully handsome bartender, Luke, said, "Well, this certainly is a mix of people, isn't it?" He was referring to the swinger, the backpacker, the Mormon, and the divorcee sitting and laughing and talking at the bar with their respective drinks: a fruity cocktail, white wine, nothing, and a beer. These are my new friends and I truly miss them.

dorm room in guesthouse//round beds with mosquito nets

freckles

playing frisbee with a shoe//cows in the distance

sunset

Hun//he took me all over this place

once again, I am the shortest amid these dutch and polish goddesses

bar built from stacked beer cans and cement

wall built from stacked heineken bottles

2011-11-01T02:31:00.004-05:00

I own an orange leather Hermes bag. Or so I think I do. I bought this a few weeks ago because I needed a handbag because my other one was falling apart. But not just any bag. It had to be leather with a long strap, preferably brown, and with lots of pockets. At the market, it was very difficult to find a brown bag with a long strap that wasn't Louis Vuitton, but I did end up finding a bag much like this one. Why orange? Why not. They didn't have brown, but they had orange and magenta. I chose orange to go with the orange lipstick I have back home.

Ok, I'm not writing this just to talk about a stupid bag, or maybe I am. The bag is Hermes brand. I am not familiar with this brand, but last night the bartender at my guesthouse asked if it was a "proper Hermes bag," and I shrugged my shoulders implying that "I guess so." This made me question, "What is a Hermes bag, exactly?" It's a leather purse that normally goes for $1,000 in Paris, London, and the U.S.

I bought it for $10.

So I am writing this to talk about a stupid expensive bag.

I question if it is real, though, because the handle fell off and keeps falling off despite my attempts to tape it together.

I keep listening to this

2011-10-25T00:28:00.000-05:00

Two weeks ago, NPR: Talk of the Nation broadcast Steve Jobs's 2005 speech at Stanford University as a way to commemorate his life. I have listened to it about five times since then because it is inspiring. If you haven't had a chance to read, listen to, or watch this, you should make some time.

I want to highlight the parts that stand out to me:

Much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on.
[On typography]: It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating. None of this had even a hope of a practical application in my life, but it all came back to me 10 years later. We designed it into the mac.
You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them going backwards. You have to trust that the dots will connect somehow in your future.
[On being fired from Apple]: The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything.
I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love, and that is as true for work as it is for your lovers.
The only way to do great work is to love what you do.
If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. And don't settle.
"If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?"
All external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure--these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important.
Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose.
Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die.
Don't be trapped by dogma, which is living with the results of other people's thinking.
Have the courage to follow your heart and intuition--they somehow already know what you truly want to become.
Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

I don't know if everyone will find what they love. Is it something to be found? Or does this kind of love just develop because you do it everyday or you want to be better at it? Steve Jobs was really lucky to find what he loved to do, but he had to drop out of college in order to find it. I have found things that I enjoy and have a knack for, but I haven't fallen in love with anything yet. I certainly need more experience to improve on the things I'm interested in and then develop a love for them. I guess I like this speech so much because his story encourages me to just keep trying and move forward. The dots will align somehow. It was good to listen to being a recent college grad with no money and no foundation anywhere, really, except my family and my diploma. So Steve, I'm pretty hungry and I'm going to be foolish by trying all sorts of ways to figure out what to do exactly.

I really adore you, St. Vincent, but

2011-10-20T02:58:00.001-05:00

this song is waiting to be remixed.

currently

2011-10-20T02:56:00.003-05:00

I keep listening to this one by Joanna Newsom.

Does Not Suffice:

I will pack all my pretty dresses
I will box up my high-heeled shoes
A sparkling ring for every finger
I'll put away and hide from view

Coats of boucle, jacquard and cashmere
Cartouche and tweed, all silver-shot
And everything that could remind you
Of how easy I was not

I'll tuck away my gilded buttons
I'll bind my silks in shapeless bales
Wrap it all up in reams o' tissue
And then I'll kiss you sweet farewell

You saw me rise to our occasion
And so deny the evidence
'Caused me to burn and twist and grimace against you
Like something caught on a barbed wire fence

Now you can see me fall back here redoubled
Full bewildered and amazed
I have gotten into some terrible trouble
Beneath your blank and rinsing gaze

It does not suffice for you to say I am a sweet girl
Or to say you hate to see me sad because of you
It does not suffice to merely lie beside each other
As those who love each other do

I picture you rising up in the morning
Stretching out on your boundless bed
Beating a clear path to the shower
Scouring yourself red

The tap of hangers swaying in the closet
Unburdened hooks and empty drawers
And everywhere I tried to love you
Is yours again and only yours

La-la-la-la...

For a while, I felt like she was singing the song I could not sing. In some ways, I still feel that way, but I also love how she strings these sounds, textures, and feelings together like beads onto a thread. Or packs them a way into a box. Or leaves them hanging next to each other in the cold, lofty air.

Nate, wanna switch places?

2011-10-11T02:46:00.000-05:00

Sometimes, I wish I had been born as the oldest child. As it is nice to have all the perks of being the youngest--you don't have to carry the burden of being the oldest like sacrificing your toys, always being "the responsible one," settling arguments, getting in trouble because "you should know better, you're the oldest,"-- the youngest usually lacks the creativity and decisiveness of older children. I have learned this by watching my friends who are the oldest children in their families. They take the lead in discussions, they usually have the best ideas, they usually contribute ideas, they seem to be more creative. When I compare my brother and myself, this is all true. He voices his opinion, he is more artistic and creative, he doesn't get annoyed when I ask for advice but doesn't really understand the concept of asking for advice because he usually just makes a decision, "It's up to you, Jessie." Basically, I'm saying that I wish I learned at a young age how to be creative and make decisions. I wish I had the burden of coming up with fun games to entertain my younger siblings or helping mum and dad feed the kids or do the chores. I think older kids just have a better handle on things, to say it simply and lazily.

However, I wouldn't really want to give up being the cute, adorable kid that was always allowed to play with my brother's older friends, or being daddy's spoiled little girl, or just being the sweet, youngest kid you just can't get enough of. I would miss that. That has molded me a lot, as well, but I want to be "cooler," like an oldest kid.

cambodia blog

2011-09-30T03:32:00.001-05:00

read it

www.khmerjessica.wordpress.com

my new place

2011-09-30T02:56:00.003-05:00

A lot of my friends moved in to new houses and apartments this semester, and I was no different. This is where I live:

my bed//knyom lee

my a/c // knyom air con

my sink area

my a/c controller and outlets that don't require an adapter

my western toilet with complimentary toilet paper

my shower

my ride

my address

the rest of the house

my street

home sweet home

grad school make me mad skool

2011-09-23T06:23:00.001-05:00

So, I don't have much to do here for the next 10 days because the kids are on holiday. This hasn't been a problem for me because I've been taking it easy, maybe too easy. I take a lot of time getting ready for the day and getting ready for bed. I take nice walks around the neighborhood taking pictures of people and trying out new foods, cautiously of course. I'm also at the internet cafe for a good chunk of time but doing productive things like . . . blogging . . . and researching grad schools and filling in applications and writing essays. Well, I knew all this alone time would catch up to me and I'm actually starting to feel the tiniest bit lonely. I'm also starting to wonder how I possibly graduated from BYU so much earlier than a lot of my friends. I guess I've just been pondering what I did at BYU and what I'm supposed to do for grad school.
For some reason, I feel guilty about not doing some things in my undergrad:

I never took a political science class because I don't like politics and I don't particularly like defending my opinion
I wish I had taken more Italian classes since, after all, I'm technically a "linguist."
I should have tried out more elective courses like a film class. Astronomy? Wilderness survival?
Why didn't I do more internships?

Ok, so I'm feeling down. The rainy day doesn't help, either.

Last night, I had this discussion with myself asking if I had taken the easy way out. I switched from Communication Disorders to Linguistics my sophomore year. Basically, I didn't like my classes nor my classmates very much in CommD, so I attended a linguistics course and decided it was more dynamic and a better learning environment for me. It really was, but I wanted to be a speech pathologist every since high school. Did I quit speech path just because it was getting hard and a little bit unbearable? I really did enjoy every linguistics class though, and I made good friends and had good study partners. Also, my teachers were crazy. In one class, our final was to present a poster on the term paper we had written, but I really didn't feel like making a poster so I made a cake instead and still got an A because my teachers valued "interpretation of language." The point is, despite the fun I've had in linguistics, I can't do anything with a bachelor's in it, not even a master's.

Luckily, I did an editing minor, which I can do a lot with. My current plan is to go to grad school for journalism in the magazine editing and designing field. I suppose grad school is to make up for our guilt (there's probably a better word for it than guilt) of undergrad. A lot of courses in the grad program are designed around ethics and politics, so political science--check. I'll just use my mum's Rosetta Stone for Italian, Italian--check. And I'll interview astronomers and wilderness survival kids for beats and stories, electives--check. And I'll have to do an internship before I can get accepted, most likely, internship--check.

I still might change my mind, though.

neighborhood

2011-09-21T23:34:00.003-05:00

some of my friends in the neighborhood.

Ceramics 2.0

2011-08-13T17:37:00.000-05:00

This is the second helping of ceramics from my summer pottery class. I just got these from the studio this past week. I made a bowl, a cylinder, and a plate. The bowl is my pride and joy. This was my second attempt at a bowl and it was really hard. My teachers had to help me a lot with this one. I always got discouraged at how much help I needed but I know I could do it again on my own. The coolest thing about ceramics is that if the throwing (on the wheel) didn't go quite as planned (as it did for this bowl), you can always make up for it with the glazing. I love how the glazes turned out on the bowl! I used three glazes: berry purple, turquoise, and golden horizon. I painted them next to each other, sometimes on top of each other. In the kiln, the glazes melted and dripped into each other to create all sorts of colors and even a glittery aesthetic in some places. It is magical. I am so proud of this piece. I also love the cylinder, which serves as the perfect cup for a late night cup of chocolate almond milk. My favorite late night treat. I glazed the whole cup in crackle parchment and made the lines with a glazed called cilantro (or oregano, I can't remember which spice). And the plate is a gift for Dallin. The two bikes represent our bikes. I ride a boy bike and he rides a girl bike, and I hardly ever let him ride my boy bike. It's kind of cute. This one is for you, D. Hope you like it.

Giddy-- (adj.) Having a sensation of whirling and a tendency to fall or stagger; dizzy. (v.) make someone feel excited to the point of disorientation.

2011-08-10T17:39:00.003-05:00

Mumford & Sons//Sigh no more

Serve God, love me, and mend.
This is not the end.
Live unbruised, we are friends.
And I'm sorry,
I'm sorry.

Sigh no more, no more
One foot in sea, one on shore
My heart was never pure
And you know me,
You know me.

And man is a giddy thing
Oh man is a giddy thing
Oh man is a giddy thing
Oh man is a giddy thing

Love it will not betray you, dismay, or enslave you,
It will set you free.
Be more like the man you were made to be.

There is a design,
An alignment to cry,
Of my heart to see
The beauty of love as it was made to be.

Pottery Class

2011-08-09T00:39:00.000-05:00

I took a pottery class this summer at the Provo Recreation Center. I learned how to throw on the wheel. I've always wanted to take a ceramics class before I graduated and I finally did. I'm really proud of myself for paying for the class and learning from total strangers. My favorite part of ceramics is centering the clay. You have to scoot up really close to the wheel, hold your arms really close to your body, and press your legs against your elbows to leverage all your weight on to the clay. Then it slowly gets centered on the wheel. Once it's centered, you can do anything. Why do I like it so much? I feel like the clay is precious and I want to take care of it and move it slowly so it doesn't crack or fly away. I feel like I'm taking care of something or someone. It's very personal. I love ceramics.

Worst Fears

2011-08-05T19:08:00.000-05:00

My girlfriends from Ceramics class were talking about our worst fears as children on Wednesday. When they were little, one of them had a sister whose worst fear it was that the house would catch on fire and the family would forget her as they were escaping, so she would have to hold her sister's hand as she fell asleep to feel safe. Another lady has a daughter who is afraid of men. Ever since then, I've been thinking about my worst fears as a child and now as an adult. When I was young, I distinctly remembering being afraid that my life was like the Truman Show, that people were watching me and judging me, even in my alone time. Today, I am afraid of being lonely or alone. I'm afraid of not being comfortable by myself, with me and only me. I guess I just want to become my own best friend, so I don't have to feel lonely.

GRE done.

2011-07-25T20:43:00.000-05:00

I took the GRE last Wednesday. It was a wild experience. I got there at 8:03 a.m. but didn't get to take the test until 9:24 a.m. They were having technical issues so they couldn't check everyone in on time via the computer. I finished around 1 p.m. I think I should have finished a little later but I may or may not have cancelled the very last section . . . let me explain. In all my studying and preparation for the test, I was informed that there were only 3 sections to the GRE, so after I finished all 3 sections (analytical writing, quantitative reasoning, and verbal) a fourth section pops up and I have 30 more minutes to complete it. Why?! I answered the first several questions and then decided that it was ridiculous and ridiculously hard so I cancelled it. Woops. To be honest, I think or have convinced myself that there was a screen before that section that said something along the lines, "the following section is optional and for research purposes." Who knows if that's real or not. I got my scores at the end of the test and they're not too bad. I'm happy with them.

I have spent the past week in Illinois visiting my parents. We made a trip to Chicago to take a look at Medill School of Journalism at Northwestern and it looks really good. I like the look of the program but I don't like Chicago winters. The opportunity cost there isn't really a factor but I'm just saying that a winter in Chicago is miserable. Now, I'm just scoping out my grad school options but my mind is really on my trip this fall to Southeast Asia. I just can't wait to sleep under mosquito nets and avoid raw vegetables at all costs.

GRE

2011-07-11T19:09:00.000-05:00

I take the GRE in a week and I've only made it through the letter "D" of my 500 vocabulary flashcards. I'll let you know how it goes.

Creativity Night

2011-05-21T01:29:00.000-05:00

Tonight was creativity night. I have a basket full of yarn and needles and another basket full of sewing patterns and a box full of a sewing machine . . . so I rekindled my love for all of these things. After about an hour of brainstorming ideas via YouTube I made this:

It's nothing special, but it felt good to crochet again—just to refresh some of the skills I learned a long time ago. People crochet some really pretty things. I'd like to be able to make a necklace with crocheted flowers or beads. That would be intricate. Also, I love my new nail polish:

Pretty things make life so fun sometimes.

Good night.

GRE study #3

2011-05-04T23:05:00.000-05:00

Adulterate—to make impure
Advocate—to support; to speak in favor of
Aerie—a nest built high in the air; an elevated and secluded dwelling
Aesthetic—concerning the beauty of something
Affected—phony; artificial
Aggrandize—to increase in power and reputation

I've been having some anxiety about my future this week. The requirements, the rigorous instructions, the forms, the applications—all of it was metaphysically filling in my head, piling up on my desk, filling in every free space of my planner, just consuming me. I wished that I could escape the gravity of it all and fly to my aerie in the sky. How am I supposed to keep my motivation up? Well, I've been focusing on the aesthetics of grad school and a career. Grad school offers a lot of perks like education, personal mentoring, financial aid, benefits of being a student, and the inevitably bigger paycheck. Also, my parents and brother and boss and co-workers advocate grad school and in turn will advocate me to any administrator or registrar. I have confidence that I can get good recommendations; I'm grateful that I've never had an affected relationship with the people closest to me. Nonetheless, my fears and un-confidences keep adulterating my will to persevere. I'm worried about not scoring well, not being good at studying, not knowing what to do next. I don't know where I'll be this time next year, and I wish I could know that. Anyway, if I keep thinking positively, then I will certainly be able to aggrandize myself through persistence and progression.

GRE Study #2

2011-05-02T00:11:00.000-05:00

Abstain—to not participate in; to choose not to do something
Abstemious—moderate in appetite
Abyss—a deep hole
Accretion—to add to, to build upon; an increase in amount or size
Acidulous—a sour taste or manner
Acme—the highest point or peak; the highest level or degree attainable

Fast Sundays always leave an acidulous taste in my mouth, literally. Going two or more meals without eating is difficult, not to mention intolerable when you consider the smelly breath you get from not eating anything. If it weren't for the spiritual feasting I receive on fast sunday, then the first of every month would be a physical and mental abyss. It's on these days that I crave anything but an abstemious meal. I want four courses, the whole nine yards. The irony is that my stomach is so much smaller that I have to abstain from excessive amounts of food, which is exactly what I want. When I give in to my hunger full throttle, I notice an accretion in my stomach. Not so pretty. A food baby. A cibo bambino. A cimbo. (Italian slang for food baby). One day I will be able to balance these needs and desires and reach the acme of both spiritual nirvana and edible glory.

GRE study

2011-04-30T15:41:00.000-05:00

I am studying for the GRE. I am taking it June 20, 2011, and I'm pretty scared of it. I have a 2.5" thick prep book and a box of 500 words. I'm trying to figure out the best way to study. Through some calculation, I figured out that if I study 6 of the 500 words everyday, I will have them all done by June 20. But, how do I remember these words. I should write a paragraph using them like we did in elementary school. Good idea? Also, that way we can all learn together.
This might bet really boring after a while, but we'll see who gets into grad school, won't we?

abase—to humble, disgrace
abate—to reduce in degree, amount, or severity
abdicate—to give up, right, power, or position
aberrant—deviating from what is normal; unexpected, unusual
abeyance—temporary suppression or suspension
abjure—to reject, abandon formally
abscond—to leave secretly

Last night I turned my phone off. I did this because I was so tired and didn't want any interruptions while I slept. This was quite aberrant of me, as the last time I turned my phone off was when I was on an airplane flying home for Christmas. Well, that's the last time I'll enter abeyance from the cellular world. If I had kept it on, then I would have known that my landlord was coming to sell the entire upstairs to a couple of tenants. He forgot that I still lived there! Furthermore, he insisted that I abdicate my cozy, homey, turquoise, cute, clean, awesome private room to some girl who is probably sick of living in Heritage Halls. Well, I can assure you that that wasn't going to happen. Well, in an effort to not totally abase the landlord, I asked in a nice way if he was going to abjure from the formal contract we signed last August. He wasn't even aware of the contract, so I just told him I am staying til August and not giving up my room. Despite my defiant attitude, I could not abate the surge of hopeful tenants. In a perfect world where I had no inhibitions, I would have made the place as detestable as I could, so no one would want to live there—like put chewed gum all over the counters, dirty up all the dishes and pile them in the sink and on the stove, get one of the stray cats to come inside and do their thing, spray a can of body odor spray (that exists in a perfect world), get a whoopie cushion and sit on it for everyone to hear, be as gross as possible, have my boyfriend walk around without a shirt on. That's what I was daydreaming about as people passed through my kitchen and I read my scriptures to myself by the heater. Hmmmm. Who knows what will happen?

Invisible Boyfriend

2011-03-24T21:54:00.001-05:00

~~>>>~~ ~~>>>~~ ~~>>>~~ Meet my invisible boyfriend: Dallin Noel Skinner.~~>>>~~ ~~>>>~~ ~~>>>~~

Weekend in Portland

2011-03-24T21:50:00.000-05:00

~~>>>~~ Mi'kel, Mark, and I road-tripped to Portlandia, Oregonia, this past weekend for Alyssa's wedding

~~>>>~~ People pump your gas for you in Oregon, which was nice after the shock of a BMW's butt reversing into my passenger door
~~>>>~~ Have you ever seen so many sisters have the sexiest legs or most glam stilettos?
~~>>>~~ Reunited at last

Aspen

2011-02-24T20:52:00.000-06:00

~~>>>~~ Aspen, CO
~~>>>~~ Four-day weekend
~~>>>~~ Snow, skiing, snowboarding
~~>>>~~ Public Enemy feat. FlavaFlav
~~>>>~~ Sister Jaime and her family

Happy Valentine's Day

2011-02-15T21:54:00.000-06:00

No signal

2011-01-24T19:19:00.000-06:00

When I was fifteen, we made a trip to the mainland during summer break to visit my family. On this trip, I went fishing with my cousins at a nearby lake. They told me that if I touched the water in the lake I would get gonorrhea. Believing them, I stayed as far from the water as I could, yet still fishing. (In hindsight, why would I keep fishing for fish in gonorrhea water? no idea.) Finally, my cousin, Will, taking advantage of my gullibility grabbed me and threw me into the lake. Gross. I thought that was it for me. Then I realized that my phone was in my back pocket and it had died in the water. It couldn't have gotten worse than that. Forget STD's—A day without my phone! Impossible.

Today, I change my mind. In fact, I wish someone would throw me in that lake. Throw my phone in there, too. Leave me alone in the lake with my phone. Yes. That would be nice.

Who am I?

2011-01-23T16:39:00.001-06:00

As we know, I go by a few names. Red, Jess, Jessie, Jessica, homegirl, curvy girl, etc. I find that people at different stages of my life call me different names. For example, I ran into Karen yesterday in Macey's parking lot. She is a sweet girl I went to middle school with in Florida. As I walked by she yelled, "Jessie!" And before recognizing her, I knew in my mind it had to be one of only a few specific people in my life who call or called me Jessie. It was Karen, and it was so nice to see her.

I love having these nicknames. It is endearing to be called different things. It is also helpful considering the hundreds of Jessica's I have had to share classes with. The red hair always leaves an impression on teachers but Jessica remains common and forgetful. When teachers have a hard time remembering, I give them all the options as stated above. This semester, I have one teacher in particular who is struggling with this. She always wants to call me Rose. So I said Rose is close to roso which is Italian for Red, so you could call me Red. She is a really sophisticated humanities teacher, so she feels very uncomfortable calling me Red. So, I tried thinking of another option. I told her friends call me Jess, people called me Jessie when I was younger, I go by homegirl in my voicemail . . . I tried everything. Finally I whipped out the purple princess story and told her that I would only answer to Jessica Anna Purple Princess Lady when I was younger. I did this to leave an impression on her, but then she said that would only help if I wore purple every day for the rest of the semester. Finally, she looked down at her class role and saw that my middle name was Anna, so she said Jessica Anna. There we go. I'll just call you Jessica Anna. I thought that was fine.

The next day in class she called on me, or at least I thought it was me: Jessica Ann. I looked around to see if anyone else would answer then realized it was me. Alright, well she did what she could. This is yet another case of my identity being tailored to meet people's needs, wants and desires. I'm totally OK with this, especially since it reminds me of Carol Ann, one of the best and most devoted friends I have ever had.

So who am I? I am whoever you need me to be.

Love,
Jessica Anna Myers

Currently, in my life . . .

2011-01-13T16:10:00.002-06:00

Sarah crocheted this string bikini for Lindsey for her bridal shower--I'm totally envious

My car hit a deer (everyone including the deer is fine)

Marie is loving her new little business, and I'm always loving her

My girls and I are so in love, maybe more than the friends' weddings we keep attending (jk)

Dallin sits by me in the library and reads magazines--I'll speak for him and say these are his two favorite things

Brother and Sister

2010-12-29T18:01:00.001-06:00

Then

Now

Vacation

2010-12-22T10:50:00.000-06:00

I love being home. Here are my responsibilities:

help Santa wrap presents
sleep in
drive the car wherever I want
take dad to work and pick him up
read
watch netflix
eat
eat whatever I want
cook and bake whatever I want, but must follow recipe
sing and dance Bon Jovi with mum when she gets home from work
pray that Nate stays safe in Egypt
let singles ward boys take me to movies I really want to see
skype Dallin after movie

Once again, I love being home. It has taken about three years to come to love this place. I testify that changing your attitude and perspective into a positive and eternal one brings miracles into your life. Home is safe and warm and beautiful.

Time Travel

2010-11-09T18:53:00.000-06:00

Does anyone feel like going back in time with me?

Autumn Prayer

2010-10-20T20:19:00.000-05:00

Dear God,

Someone shredded my bike tire at the bike racks, so now it is flat.
Please send someone else to fix it?
Or at least let me ride on Provo Girl's scooter?
I have to feel the cool autumn air in my hair before it turns into an ice cube.

Amen.

Born to Run... with God

2010-09-11T16:20:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I think God speaks to me through my iPod.
For instance,
This morning, I was trail running. I went up and down, up and down all along the path. Sometimes, the path gets so steep I neither want to run up nor down: I just walk to have enough control not to fall on my face either way. Well, as I slowed to walk at one point, my iPod was playing "Don't Give Up" by The Whitest Boy Alive. I said to myself, "Really? Is that you God? Are you kidding me?" So, I picked up the pace until I heard "Don't make a move, you'll look ridiculous again." So then I laughed and started walking again. It really must have looked a little funny? Nice encouragement, I guess.
Running can be very spiritual for me, so that's why I think it's not ridiculous to believe that God communicates with me while I run outside in the open air. Running has always been very hard for me, so I pray about it. I know it's good for me, I want to run long distances, but I can't do it alone. I think God is always with me, encouraging me, helping me, laughing with me and, of course, at me. I'm thankful he's with me.

an Excerpt

2010-08-10T15:54:00.001-05:00

from Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close
by Jonathan Safran Foer

"I hope that one day you will have the experience of doing something you do not understand for someone you love.
-Your Father"

Update

2010-08-09T23:36:00.000-05:00

I called the Tom's Hotline and Cameron answered the phone. He was very nice and helpful. He apologized for my sore armpits and sent me a sensitive skin formula to try out. I must say I am apprehensive, but he assured me there are very sensitive ingredients for very sensitive people like me. So now we are waiting until the cool cucumber-berry stick comes in the mail. Let's hope this one works.

This might make you as uncomfortable as it made me.

2010-08-05T00:04:00.000-05:00

I love to buy, use, make, and do things the natural way. I am a proactive all-things-organic seeker and love to try out new natural products, if it's not too expensively natural. Well, the other day Mum so generously fed my organic-hungry appetite and took me to the store to buy new toiletries. I got a shampoo and conditioner made of carrots and Tom's Brand toothpaste and deodorant. My roommate Becca jumped on the anti-anti-perspirant train a while ago and it struck a chord with me. Anti-perspirant contains aluminum in an extracted, chemical, processed, inorganic form. From my understanding, the body absorbs it and prevents sweating. Well, it's natural for your body to sweat, and in fact a natural continual way to release toxins, so why not sweat. We, however, still don't have to smell. So I got apricot scented Tom's deodorant. When I used it, my armpits felt all tingly, in a good way like when you brush your teeth and get the minty fresh feel and taste. As I continued using it days later, the tingle became more like a burn but I thought it was the all natural goodies battling my odor-making-bacteria. Yesterday morning, I come to find out that it wasn't just the odor being burned away, it was my skin! I was looking in the mirror while putting my hair up and noticed my armpits were bright red! And the skin was peeling away from the center forming a ring showing where the deodorant had been. The all-natural deodorant was alive and eating my armpits. Not good. My faith has been slightly shaken due to this experience. I'm back to the old lady speedstick and probably going to get cancer. But my armpits do feel better. Any suggestions out there?

Belleville, IL

2010-07-31T09:20:00.002-05:00

So yesterday was a good day. Mum and I went thrifting. I looked up a few consignment/thrift places on google maps and we searched for them. We went to this town called Belleville. Isn't that a nice name? Main street was old-fashioned with old city lamps and an old-style theatre or "show house." The other day, I told a friend how I don't like shopping and spending money, but I don't feel the same about thrift shopping. In fact, I feel like I'm helping the world when I go thrifting because, essentially, I am reducing, reusing and recycling. How redeeming is that. So I bought a pair of black shoes, the coolest black shoes. I'll have to show them to you. Mum thinks someone died in them- as with all of the things you'd find in a thrift/second hand place.

I'm not a big movie person, but my mum is. She's a movie person. She pretty much knows all the actors and actresses of big-hit movies whether old or new. So, I like going to the theatre with her because she likes it. And you can't say much in a theatre that will annoy the other. So we went to a matinee in this old world town yesterday, only $4.50. They had antique candy machines! I don't even like candy, but I had to use this machine. They are the kind where you put 3 dimes in, pull the knob, and candy pops out the bottom. So satisfying. Three Smarties.

In the theatre, Mum offered me popcorn. I took a few and said "This is way too salty." She took it back, ate a few and said, "You're right. It is too salty." I had to soak it in this moment where I was "right" for once. Then she goes, "Well that's good because I've been dehydrated, lately." I turned and looked at her with this face that said "You do have a college degree, don't you?" but I just said, "Really? Mum salt dehydrates you, sucks all the moisture out." "Oh," she says and merrily finishes the popcorn. Sometimes she really makes me laugh or worry.

I really got a kick out of this place. I'm pretty twitterpated with her. I have to go back to the old Schwinn bike shop and Mum has to buy something at the butcher. Yes, they have a local butcher. Besides the part where they slaughter animals, I think it's a practice that shouldn't go out of style if people keep eating meat.

I'm slowly reaching my goal for liking this place and finding its awesome niches. I've been getting great advice from people to help me reach this goal, so thank you everyone.

free internet

2010-07-25T08:41:00.000-05:00

What is one of the most treasured things in life? Free internet. You can call it mooching or not, but being in the right place at the right time is priceless.
I'm currently in the Houston airport awaiting my flight 933 to St. Louis. I'm actually anticipating going home. It's been a crazy two weeks down here in Florida and I'm ready for some constancy, some routine, some peace. Yes, I said it, I'm ready to go home to my parents' house.
I've made a to-do list:

make a paper origami chandelier
build an easel
detox
explore St. Louis

I really need to take advantage of my new hometown. Just now, I stole Southwest Airline's Spirit Magazine because it has a lengthy report on the magic of St. Louis. It is one of the greatest cities in the U.S. It is home to the best preserved architecture in America and the tallest National Monument. You can buy the tallest apple pie here, too! I want to see a show at Pageant Theatre and walk through Forest Park and paddleboat. It's taken me about two years ago to be charmed by this new "home." Let me just say this to the world, it's never worth it to wait to be happy. I'm going to try being happy where I am as soon as I am there. I'll find and make my own happiness. Who's in?

5 hours later

2010-07-23T14:13:00.000-05:00

Wednesday was wonderful. It will be recorded in my history as one of the best days of my life.
I was in Destin Commons with my friend Jamie and her baby. We had lunch together and walked around. I wanted to go to Starbuck's because I knew my good friend Robert Bennett worked there. Robert and I met in 8th grade, about 7 years ago. We haven't kept in touch very much since then, but we've always been dear friends to each other. So, naturally I was thrilled to have the chance to see him, especially in one of my favorite places - Starbuck's. Unfortuantely, he wasn't there, but someone else was. As I stood at the counter waiting for my Red tea herbal latte, soy, iced, someone said, "Please tell me you are Jessica Myers." I looked to my right and it is was my dear friend Katie Bernard whom I knew since Middle school and sat next to in Life Management Skills in 9th grade. We hugged and laughed and couldn't stop talking. She invited me to a friend's party later that night. Then she said Robert should start work in 30 minutes. So, you could say I was elated. I went from disappointed to do-I-deserve-all-this-joy-at-once--ment? I saw Robert 30 minutes later and it was sweet. The only thing that had changed in 7 years was he took out his labret piercing and had a tattoo on his left arm: Liberado. Later that night, no one made it to the party, we just sat outside of Starbuck's as he finished his shift and remained seated for the next 5 hours catching up and telling stories. Katie, Robert, Kayleigh his wife, and me. It was the sweetest feeling in the world.
This experience has made me wonder if I should get facebook... I feel like if I don't reactivate my account then I'm going to be taking advantage of serendipity. I'm going to be greedy for more experiences like that, but if I get facebook, then the chance for serendipity to intervene will be diminished. But keeping up via facebook will keep me up to date more efficiently because it's so instantaneous. But, I hate the detached/removed/desensitization it imposes on friendships. A friend is someone you meet, spend time with, exchange phone numbers with, serve, talk to - not just press a button for. I know I can choose to be friends with "real friends" but I don't want to take anyone's friendship for granted because it's right there in front of my face everyday, updated, tagged, etc. I don't want it to get old, I suppose. Oh gosh.
Help.
Anyway, I thank God for Wednesday. I'm grateful He put us in each other's paths again and that we didn't forget about each other. After all this time, we are still precious to one another. We are meant to be friends forever.

Lately

2010-07-14T19:30:00.000-05:00

Lately, I have been devoured by a life of ease. Devoured is the right word. It is just eating me up. The queen-size blankets swallow me whole I can hardly get out of bed in the morning. The pool just drinks me up in the afternoon - we look like a patriotic cocktail, red and blue and whitewhitewhite. And then Britt and her friends come home from school and lavish me with party hour fruit slushies from sonic. Life is good.

bobby

2010-07-07T15:49:00.000-05:00

is it safe to consider an inanimate object a friend? I hope so, because I consider a pair of bobby pins my best friends over diamonds any day. I wear them in my hair everyday, I can't go without them. I'm trying to get creative with them. I like the nest look, probably because my hair looks like a nest most of the time. and how cute is this origami rose bobby. On my search for all things bobby, I found a new blog: www.bobbypinblog.blogspot.com. I'd also like to make a shout out to bobby johnson, on whom I'll always have a mega crush.

jetlag.

2010-07-05T03:43:00.002-05:00

If I was granted a wish right now, it would be this: to see mynameisjohnmichael play at lollapalooza in august with my friend I so affectionately & mistakenly call john michael.

who knew?

ebay.

2010-07-04T23:32:00.003-05:00

I recently made my very first purchase on eBay. I haven't quite got the hang of bidding and auctions, but I'm excited to practice. eBay really does making spending money fun. The fun factor lies in the fact that spending money has actually become winning a product. Instead of saying "Thank you for your purchase," eBay says "Congratulations, you've won suchandsuch." Who doesn't like winning, is my question? So eBay has turned the filthy habit of spending money into a game of strategy and a bit of luck. Way to play with our minds, eBay. I love it, I really do.

The truth is you can get quality stuff for a very nice price, a price you set yourself. And the process of bidding results in the comfort that you've worked for it, you've fought for it, you've researched appropriate competitive prices. It's really an all around good feeling - especially when you're currently living for free at your parent's house. I better live up my new lifestyle before Aug. 30th.

I bought LOST seasons 1-6 for my parent's 28th anniversary. $75. not bad, right?

I hope they don't read this.

Daddy's Girls

2010-06-29T09:11:00.001-05:00

Snapping pics of Bondi Beach

Mum's High School

take a look-see

lovely.

abbracadabra

2010-06-28T07:02:00.001-05:00

2010-06-28T06:38:00.004-05:00

Zia Connie.

Day 54

2010-06-20T07:09:00.004-05:00

Cara Mia.

I spent the day with the Italian cousins. We began the day with an early lunch of fresh homemade pasta with tomato sauce, crusty bread, and stuffed canolis for dessert. Zia Connie makes everything homemade: all types of pasta, lasagna, jams, pastries, etc. It is a beautiful thing. I've been learning from my family that the Racioppi's have a great appetite. They tell me I am a true Racioppi because I have a great appetite and love food - no surprise there. I just don't know how to let food pass me by when it was made by hand with time and practice and care.

My Zia is a smart lady. She is actually distantly related to me by marriage, but in Italy, everyone is family and everyone eats at the same dinner table. Zia has a bad shoulder and is going to hospital tomorrow for shoulder surgery, but that did not stop her from cranking out fresh fusilli, stirring the sauce, and reaching the candy cabinet for a box of chocolates. I like a lady that doesn't let anything hold her back. She holds her bad arm up with the good arm to accomplish all these things. And why? Because it is important to her. It is important to feed her family and bring people together.

Her husband passed away a couple months ago, Zio Luigi. Aside from the kangaroos, koalas, and cream buns from the bakery, Zio was the face I took home with me in my memory when I left Australia the first time. As soon as I met him, he embraced me, kissed my face many times, and praised me with wet eyes. He was so happy to meet his family. He was a beautiful man to me, and I'm sad I don't get to see him this time around. But I do get to see him in a way. Zia lights a candle next to his picture every day and his face lights up the home.

If Australia isn't cool enough, my family sure makes it magical. I'm so glad to have roots here to people who still live life to the fullest. They are generous, they are smart, and they work hard and live modestly to be able to enjoy life, travel, and take care of one another. They are good people.

Day 40

2010-06-06T04:54:00.002-05:00

Last night, I went clubbing with my cousins Ben and Michelle and their mates. We went to this place called the Havelock in Adelaide. First, we had a typical pub dinner. I ordered salt and pepper squid and a lemon squash to drink (sprite). Then the party got started on the dancefloor. Of course, again, I had to wait a while til people got more tipsy to get the party started. Basically, we danced the night away until the pub closed at 1 a.m. It was awesome, it was a real night in the city.

Notes to self:

always wear heels or boots to a club to withstand the shattered glass and sticky floor - no cute black flats.

show off those legs next time

keep the mocktails coming

Day 35

2010-06-01T02:45:00.003-05:00

Today is Tuesday. We are making dinner for Aunty Birgit, Uncle Michael, Ben, Michelle, and us. Birgit has cooked for us every night. It has been delicious. We've had Italian Minestrone, Chicken with Satay Sauce and Cucumber Salad, Cold Cuts Crackers and Pomegranate Walnut Capsicum dip and the list goes on. Hopefully tonight's dinner will stand up to Birgit's home-cooked hospitality.

On the menu, we have fajitas! We're having Mexican. I was inspired by my homesickness for the local Mexican restaurants at home: Diego's, Cafe Rio, El Gallo Giro, and Red Iguana. You'll be hard-pressed to find a legit Mexican restaurant around here, so I thought I would try my hand at making Mexican Down Under. With a little help from recipezaar, I made a soy/worctershire sauce with garlic, peppers, onions, and lemon juice. On the side, we are having chips and homemade salsa. Certainly. It was fun to make the salsa- warmed my heart. Making salsa reminds me of The Fort. I can't count how many chips and salsa parties we've had at that place, and always homemade. I hope it will be wonderful.

Here are the pictures from the footy game. it was a very cold and rainy day and I think I'm getting more chins in this winter weather.

Look what I found

2010-05-29T21:28:00.003-05:00

I found these on mum's iPhone this morning. They put a huge smile on my face.

Day 28

2010-05-28T18:59:00.003-05:00

Alright, I've been MIA for a long time. Its because I got my heartbroken. Not by any guy, no of course not, but by my computer. Approximately two weeks ago, I got online in the morning to get my pictures ready for the blog. By the afternoon, I was ready to post them but decided to take a break from the computer. Later that day, I turned my laptop on but there was only a white screen. I tried again, again, again. Nothing. My heart broke.

I was devo, devastated, but heard dad's words saying, "Its nothing but a thing."

Anyway, they were beautiful. The best set I had taken on the entire trip. They were pictures of Uncle Peter's house in Koondrook. His house is on the Australian registry of landmark buildings like the house next to mine in Provo. There were pictures of Aunty Julia teaching me to cook Fijian curry, there were pictures of pub-goers, and fallen red gums into the Murray River. It was really my favorite place thus far.

From now on I will listen to mum when she says "don't erase the pictures from the camera."

On a happier note, I am going to a footy game today. Uncle Michael is taking me to the stadium to barrack for Port Adelaide: Port Power! This is going to be awesome. Their colors are black, white, and teal. That's excellent because those colors look great on me. I bet the players would look great on me, too. Just jokes. I'm researching AFL rules so I can have some idea of what's going on. Basically the rules are they run with the ball but bounce it once every 10 metres, they pass the ball by holding in one hand then punching it to the teammate, when they get 50 metres away from the goal, they kick it in. They cannot hit in the back or strangle around the neck, but pretty much everything else is a go. I'm sure I'll learn more today.

Day 7

2010-05-10T07:30:00.002-05:00

Today, I made dinner for everyone. Dinner has, lately, consisted of everything fit for king and queens. Aunty and Uncle have fed us well, and its about time I returned the favor, or favour rather. I decided sausage rolls should be on the menu.
Sausage rolls and Meat pies are the staple here. It is nothing more than hearty mince meat wrapped up, rolled up, or sheltered by mouth-watering puffy buttery pastry. This is just not something you find in any American grocery store, sadly. So I took on the task of learning how to make and serve sausage rolls. My inspiration came from my adventures here Down Under, but my education came from Master Chef, Australia's Top Chef. We've been watching this show almost every night. Let me pause here and say that all is not lost within the Myers' identity. Just when I thought I didn't really belong in this family being a "hippie and all" as they like to label, here is common ground when it comes to food and food networks. We love watching cooking television. No one ever gets tired of it, and I think we all love the food as much as the sounds of the spatulas on the metal bowls and the wooden spoons on the pans. Oh, it's delightful.
Anway, Master Chef made sausage rolls the other night, so I knew with their guidance I could not go wrong. It was simple enough: combine sausage mince (pork, not beef thank you very much), sauteed onions and garlic, shredded carrots, oregano and thyme. Work it with your hands then form it into logs and wrap in puff pastry. Brush with egg wash, cook at 120C (I don't know the Fahrenheit equivalent, look it up with your iPhone McGoogle hands) then enjoy. They're Good As, as the Aussies say.
That's all for now.

2010-05-07T08:12:00.002-05:00

Mum and I at a waterfall in the Blue Mountains

Jimmy our guide, what a guy. He called us his possums. Precious

Felicita, she made all thousand steps! I'm proud of her.

2010-05-07T08:04:00.002-05:00

2010-05-07T07:59:00.002-05:00

Day 2

We caught a bus to Bondi Beach, a $5 1 hour round trip. When we arrived to the coast, it was raining, so we warmed up in the Cozzi Cafe with fish and chips and rich hot chocolate. After about half an hour, we walked a good portion of the coast, about 3 hours. The most interesting thing I saw was a swimming pool right next to the ocean. Why? I'm sure there is a reason. I think the life savers (lifeguards) train there, maybe little babies swim there. I just think its funny that its right next to the ocean. Maybe its for people that are creeped out by seaweed in their feet. Either way, it was a beautiful sight to see.
We came home later in the evening. We were too tuckered out to walk the city, so I just worked on my hair for a couple hours. Dreads are the most high maintenance things I've ever had to deal with. I thought since I didn't own a brush or care to fix my hair beforehand, dreads were right up my alley. Wrong. If I don't tease them or wax them a little every day, they are a disaster. They are great though, and not just for looks. They brought a lot of people together in my living room, all working on my hair together. It was quite bonding. Anyway, Mum's not too keen on the locks, so I managed it by myself. For two hours.
I went to my first bar that night. The hostel hosts a a side bar for the young backpackers in Sydney. My last experience with a bar was not very successful. Seth and I wanted to see Dr. Dog play at Urban Lounge, a 21 and over bar in SLC, so I thought I would use my roommate's ID to get in. After interrogating me asking how to spell my last name and my zodiac sign, the bouncers decided I, in fact, was not't McKenna Lane and told me I had to leave. So, you can imagine the excitement I had at handing over my real ID to get into a real bar. I giggled a little in the exchange, which did not thrill the bouncer at all, but whatever. Side Bar seems to be the favorite around here. There was a great cover band and heaps of beer. However, all I wanted to do was get out and dance. For all those who think I'm crazy for going to a bar in Sydney all by myself, don't be alarmed. It was right around the corner from the hostel, so I had virtually 15 steps to walk- not bad. I got there a little early, around 9, so I had to wait for people to get a little more wasted before anyone started dancing. Finally, people were dancing. I met a couple guys from Chile that were the sweetest. Then their hostel roommates came, Lucy from Korea and Fanny from France. We had a good time dancing together and showing off our best moves. Sometime into the night, Ifelt someone pull on my hair. I turn around and this guy asks if my dreads are real. Of course they are. We ended up talking a while, he told me he had dreads for 10 years and gave me some tips. That's lucky. So I went back and forth between my dread friend and my dancing buddies. Eventually, dread friend asked if he could buy me a drink, and I said no I was fine. He kept asking, and I finally told him I don't drink or smoke, I just liked to dance. "Are you religious" he asked. "Yea, I'm Mormon, so I don't do any of that stuff." "What's Mormon, never heard of it." That was a short conversation.
Can you believe he never heard of a Mormon before? He was bewildered just as much as me to say the least. So then he asked if he could buy me a vodka instead of a beer. Noooooo, I'm fine thanks. "Let me buy you a f*** drink." He wasn't rude at all, just didn't know what to do with me. It was really amusing, actually. So I just kept dancing some more then left soon after with my new girlfriends Lucy and Fanny. I said goodbye to my good, Chilean boys who weren't gonna let anyone mess with me then bye to dread friend, who in his shock and horror didn't know what to do with me except grab my head and kiss me on the cheek. One of the funnest and funniest nights I've ever had.

Australia 1

2010-05-07T07:57:00.004-05:00

The trip begins in Salt Lake. We flew from Salt Lake to LA to Brisbane to Sydney. Everything went off without a hitch except that our carry-ons were too large for the Qantas flight from LA to Oz, so we had to check our bags. This wasn't too much of a hassle because we were tired of lugging them around in the first place, and - let's be honest - I only packed shoes in my carry-on. If it got lost permanently, it was probably for the best.

Day 1
We arrived in Brisbane, skipped Monday and jumped right into Tuesday morning. All our baggage came on a different flight so we had to wait around for it. Finally, after two hours of waiting in the airport, we got onto the shuttle toward our hostel, Wake Up! It was a funky little place with a cafe, a movie room, a bar and nightclub, computers, and a laundromat. Mum booked us a private bunk room for 3 days. What a lady! The first day there, we fought jet lag by walking all over the town. We went for an hour-long walk from the hostel to the harbour. We saw the Opera House and the Bridge. It was spectacular. There are hardly words to describe things you've only seen in pictures and movies. When they come to life, you have to pause and really savor the moment. Then search for the next thing to fly off the pages of your dreams. That's why I can't wait for heaven. It's gonna be better than anything anyone has ever imagined, described, depicted or interpreted. Everything in this harbour was much more grand, big, and real than I could have imagined. After that, we came back down to earth by grabbing our first meat pies. This was the defining step, the initiation, the icing on the cake, it meant we were truly in Australia and here to stay for a little while at least. Meat pies, sausage rolls, cream buns, etc. are a trademark of Australia. You can find them everywhere for less than $4. They fill you right up. After a delightful evening in the city, we made it home and indulged in some much needed shut-eye.

Live long and prosper deathcab

2010-03-05T23:43:00.003-06:00

Today I had a terrible dream that Deathcab was going under, as if they were a restaurant on the verge of closing for good. It was so sad. They were performing free concerts, playing songs by personal request, doing whatever they could to get the rejuvenating support of their fans. Why would I dream about that? Ben Gibbard, don't stop the music. We are here for you.

What do you do when the drowning stops?

2010-03-04T14:23:00.002-06:00

knock. knock. anyone there. wow, this place is dusty. Looks like Jenny is still where I left her. Time to update.
Hello. I came to the library thinking I needed to finish a homework assignment, but it's already done!! And not due until tomorrow. wow. So here I am. home.sweet.home. on my blog that is. Eating crunchy carrots and pretty salty pretzels, probably upsetting the silence of those so studiously working among me. But hey, a carrot top needs her beta-carotene.

Nothing really to say except I'm back. Oh and did you know the Wasatch Front lies on a huge fault line? Bec told me that the other night in light of the earthquakes of Haiti and Chile. God bless them. What if there was an earthquake here? What if a volcano erupted between us when we were sleeping? What if a hurricane swept us off the sidewalks with the leaves and fire hydrants? Let's put those knee pads and helmets on.

I would like to quote Dr. Dog:

What do you do when the drowning stops?

pictures coming soon

2009-12-26T19:32:00.002-06:00

This Christmas has been eye opening. I didn't spend it with my family. We were apart for Christmas this year. But I did spend it with my dear friend Ashley Belle and the family she lives with in Ririe, ID - the Newbys. I'm not very fond of anything north of Utah just because it gets colder and colder, but this is beautiful country. They live on a farm with Norwegian ponies, two dogs, dead wheat fields, and a forest banking the Snake River. Even when it is all frozen, it is alive. Even when it is deathly quiet, it is sparkling with wonder. There is beauty here.

On Christmas morning, I opened presents. The Newby's got me presents. Can you believe that? I had presents to open, rip, tear apart on Christmas morning! I wasn't expecting it, but lo and behold, the Newbys are angels.

I feel I didn't deserve them. I think I've been pretty selfish this holiday season. I mostly think about me, my future, my plans, my abilities, my weaknesses, my sorrows, what makes me happy. I haven't lost myself in the service of others or in the thoughtfulness for others. I could work a lot harder at being selfless I'd say. The Newbys and Ashley helped me recognize this. The simple act of holding the door open or making dinner for someone comes so naturally to some people. I thought it came naturally to me for a long time, but I think it gets a little harder as I get older. I want service and love to come naturally to me. On Christmas eve, Tennessee made 4 pies. 2 for us and 2 for a community dinner for the homeless on Christmas. She does it every year. I was so happy I could help deliver those pies. I'm not taking credit for contributing to Christmas community dinner, but it felt refreshing to finally do something for someone else, even in a microscopic away. I have a lot to owe to the Newbys and to Ashley.

This year I celebrated Christmas quietly. I wasn't with my family which I thought I could muster, but it was actually weird. I did not enjoy it, but they say you don't miss things until they are gone. Well, I certainly miss my family and warm socks. Next year I hope I'm with my family somewhere somehow.

finally finals

2009-12-16T20:55:00.004-06:00

Finals week always reminds me of that one Gilmore Girls episode where Rory sleeps in with her boyfriend and misses the final that determines the rest of her life the next morning.

All I have to say is I'm glad I broke it off with my secret lover on Sunday.

Research

2009-12-10T00:52:00.002-06:00

Lately, I've been reading lots of blogs. Most belong to people I don't know, but whom I wish I knew. I googled 'head scarves' and was led to this beautiful blog belonging to a designer woman living in Seoul, SK. She is a photographer, believes in God, and drinks coffee from fancy cafes. Her blog was uplifting because she genuinely enjoyed life. It had a nice spirit. This may be worse than facebook stalking. But I came away from the whole experience feeling like "yea, that is something I can do with my life. I can travel and work and be happy and not afraid of success and adventure." That's what I thought to myself. If I was facebook stalking I would have just thought "Why are they having so much fun without me? or what... they're engaged?!"
What a waste of time.
Anyway, I was looking up head scarves because they are an art. I'm going to start wearing them. Especially when I get dreads this Christmas...

SoCal is where my mind states, but its not my state of mind.

2009-11-30T20:19:00.002-06:00

One of my guilty pleasures is Inside Out by Eve 6.

Tie me to the bedpooooooost.

My Marie

2009-11-21T00:18:00.004-06:00

is the cream of the crop
is the bee's knees
is the apple of my eye
puts the kick-ass in sass

marie is my friend for life.

Seth turned 24!!!!

2009-11-18T14:09:00.002-06:00

These are my friends, the best of the best.

Future family home evening

2009-11-15T23:48:00.000-06:00

Looking out the window at 4:53

2009-11-13T17:53:00.006-06:00

This week has ended nicely like an airplane coming to a soft and gentle landing after a turbulent ride. There were some things I finished this week I thought I could never do a 10 minute presentation in my Advanced Writing class and a legit interview in sign language! and then the rest of school and work. Pres. Faust has this analogy about pebbles. He says that sometimes we view our problems as if they are stones along a path and instead of leaving them on the path, we hold them up to our face to examine them and then we can't see beyond them. That's sort of how I went through this week. Every obstacle was staring me in the face until I conquered it. I could have handled it a little better, but I'm good - I still have my friends, even some new friends - and that is what is most important to me.
One great part of my week was my friend Ryan, who is deaf, gave me a sign name! It is a "J" that circles the face. He used that gesture because I am from Hawaii which is an "H" that circles the face. I thought that was really sweet. I love it.
Last night, I saw This is It - Michael Jackson's movie. awwwwwwwwww I loveloveloved it. He was 50 and still working it! I wonder if he ever had knee or hip problems. He just moved so smoothly. What a criminal. I will always like Michael Jackson. This movie was so special. His dancers, his crew, everyone who helped him put on this concert respected him so much. They sort of treated him like a child, in a non-condescending way. MJ just had a vision and a determination to get there like a child has when they play make-believe. Everything he said was out of love, and he reminded everyone of that. When he gave the smallest critique, he said, 'it comes from love, l-o-v-e.' Oh man. I love him. It was just unbelievable to see him get carried away with his dancing. He was in the zone. He was the zone.
I hope he's dancing in heaven.

2009-11-09T22:27:00.002-06:00

Today at work I was scanning The Registry of Farnham. It is a book in a collection, a special collection if you will, of British registries. I found this note in the middle of this obscure book. It says: I took dogs out before I left.
All I'm saying is this person did a good thing by taking the dogs out and ceasing to read this absolutely, tirelessly long and boring, crispy book. Why were they reading it in the first place??

I just thought it was so exciting to come across some sort of life lurking among these brittle pages, stale ink, and ancient copyrights.

Ancestors on Bjork's album, Medula, creeps me out. I think its going to give me nightmares. It reminds me of those creepy Japanese horror movies I watched this past halloween. Listen to it if you dare.

you win some you lose some you never get to some

2009-11-08T23:51:00.004-06:00

Tonight my attempt at blogging is like my attempts at scripture study really late or really early- its pretty unfruitful and I'm falling asleep. Awake! So simply put, I had a weekend worth reliving hanging around Provo parts. I wish I could have seen dirty projectors and hear them sing songs like this one:

Two Doves
Geranium kisser
Skin like silk and face like glass
Don't confront me with my failures
Kiss me with your mouth open
For your love, better than wine
For your cologne is really fragrant
Call on me, call on me, call on me

Your hair is like an eagle
Your two eyes are like two doves
But our bed is like a failure
All day up in the family
At the waning of the light
To the chamber that conceived me
Call on me, call on me, call on me

Geranium killer
Throat of soil and mind like stone
Please don't defend a silver lining
Around the halo of what is already shining
When all the planets are aligning
For an afternoon that's never ending
Call on me, call on me, call on me

but I was in the right place this weekend in Provo at my house, at the grocery store, at Saratoga springs, avoiding trespassing fines, downing Theraflu, at the flea market, at Costa Vida, at Saver's with my weekend boyfriend, and my other boyfriends. and girlfriends.

Took the words right out of my mouth.

2009-11-04T23:13:00.002-06:00

Confession: I watched the You're a Jerk tutorial to learn the dance. I want to marry them.
Do you ever hear a song that says exactly what's on your mind? That happened to me today. Thrice.
the submarines|xavia
I don't wanna be
Your favorite enemy
Not when I can be loving you, alright
Why can't it be?
No two people feel
The same way at the same time
drake|the calm
Feeling so distant from everyone I've known.
To make everybody happy I think I would need a clone.
james taylor|mexico
Oh, Mexico
I never really been but I'd sure like to go
Oh, Mexico
I guess I'll have to go now

[i guess this means i'll have to make myself unavailable for everyone and everything in provo by finding a secret lover in Mexico]

Jackson Hole, I am for Real

2009-11-03T00:59:00.010-06:00

This past weekend, I went to Jackson Hole with Brent and Preston for our dear friends', Bradley and Mallory, wedding reception. Jackson Hole is sweet, but Jackson Hole with a couple of Wenger brothers is even sweeter.
It took us 8-9 hours to make it to Jackson. It should have only taken 4 or 5 but we got sidetracked and distracted by hunger, idaho potato museums, and the quaint friendliness of Rexburg. The drive through Idaho was really bleak, but as soon as we got into Wyoming everything seemed so much more charming and enchanting. It must have been the Tetons.
The wedding reception was so beautiful. We made it just in time to watch everyone leave, bid the couple farewell, depart with one last creme puff. Our only regret the whole trip was that our time was cut short at the reception, but that's because we were having so much fun on the way up.
Once we were in Jackson Hole, we stayed the night at the Roney's residence. Bro. Roney is the founder of NuSkin and his house has lots of bear skins. This house (you can't call it a house), this residence was breath taking. The rooms smelled like cedar, the art was phenomenal, the theatre was grand, the gym was cool, the butler's pantry had real pretty dishes, and the baby grand piano was singing. This was the best night ever! And we woke up to a Teton sunrise. Thank you Roney family. You are gracious.
We spent Saturday driving home but weren't too hasty as to miss some thrifting! We headed over to Browse 'n Buy to find Brent and Preston their Halloween costume. They dressed up as old men- really hysterically good-looking gray and bearded old men.
Another highlight of the trip may have been the Teton Mystery. Brent saw it on the side of the road and turned the car around to explore. It was abandoned, no one was manning Teton Mystery Post. So we snuck around the back, squeezed through the fence and had ourselves a wild rompous. The Teton Mystery is about defying gravity, you could say. It was so fun! We were laughing like little kids.
Then we came home and celebrated Halloween as funky old people would and cracked open some Martinelli's.
Our last moments of the trip together were the two times we got pulled over by the cops - once for expired registration and twice for going 20 on center street. Nothing, not even the 5-0, tainted our weekend. It was so much fun, beyond words.

brent.

preston.

p, b, & j.

filling up

number one thing to do in blackfoot

you know you've dreamed about it. we got to live it.

giant baked potato love.

northface of the Roney Residence

good morning

brenty

i made preston hold hands with me a lot

Preston and red and aspen forest in front yard

how many deer, elk, and moose had to die for this awesome picture?

thrifting in jackson hole. brent always finds good deals.

preston's 5 o'clock shadow.

faster, stronger

the teton mystery!!

red the cowboy and his bearded lady

the lean.

trying the lean.

what is it?

we definitely saw nessie, the lochness monster at Lehi Hotpots.

languagesoftheworld

2009-10-21T11:50:00.002-05:00

I am in the Harold B. Lee Library of The BYU, right now. I should be doing homework, studying the legal structures of Peru, the effects of Multinational Corporations on Peru's economy and other subsequent factors of sustainable development in this wonderland country of South America, but I got distracted by a scholarship for an Intensive Language course in Germany this next summer. I've been looking into a language course for next summer all semester, and I hope it works out.

Momma would be proud of her little girl finally taking an interest in German.

pray and hope for me.

2009-10-16T18:00:00.002-05:00

Last night's wild rompus reminded me of my wild, rompatic summer with these wild things. It makes me miss children and their simple happiness.
Last night was, by far, THE funnest movie theatre experience I have ever had.
Someone dressed as Max read Where the Wild Things Are to the whole audience. It was storytelling time for a bunch of strangers in the theatre.
And then----
We played heads up, 7 up!
It's not even that I like that game so much, but I like the fact that everyone was playing together and having a good time. It was special.
I couldn't believe everyone was having so much fun together.
I think this would only happen in Utah.
I'm kinda surprised we didn't end up playing Missionary Tag, actually.

Anyway, I was just tickled the whole night. I feel like I'm never around when cool stuff like that happens. Like my friends, the Parkers, they are always stumbling upon situations where people are doing extra cool or exciting things, like for example, Brooke's professor calls their class a 'gathering' instead of a 'lecture.' (That's the only example I can think of right now, but when I think of more, I'll share)
Do you know what I mean when I say 'cool stuff like that'? I'll try to be less vague.
Fun, out-of-the-ordinary, pleasing things happen to fun, out-of-the-ordinary, pleasing people.
Last night was fun and out-of-the-ordinary and I loved it.
I want that karma to follow me in life.
I will try to be more fun.
funfunfunfun
cutecutecutecute
redredredred

seductive should also be on the list.

mug shot.

2009-10-10T15:19:00.003-05:00

I don't really have anything to say this time except I'm not heartbroken anymore. I really just need to update this blog so the first thing you see isn't heartbreak.

Here's a funny story in a nutshell:
went to see a show last night
tried to sneak into club
got caught
left the club
ate my emotions
didn't get to sleep til late
slept in
turned my phone off
closed the curtains
trying to rediscover my identity

not heartbroken. just a thief.

<3break

2009-09-29T10:35:00.003-05:00

If you walk away, I'll walk away.
First tell me which road you will take-
I don't want to risk our paths crossing someday.
so you walk that way, I'll walk this way.

-bright eyes.

I'm gonna wink my eye and let you know I got the game

2009-09-26T12:50:00.003-05:00

I know this picture is inappropriate, but 1) read my blog and you'll understand. 2) I took this picture on the highway next to my parent's house, exciting.

Today is Saturday. Every Saturday, I have a blog post due for my rhetoric class. This week, our assignment is to analyze the rhetoric of a song of our choosing. I'm having the hardest time choosing a song. My sad lady artist friends are just cute and sad and wise. Country songs are always telling a story, and great stories at that, "i loved becky, but her daddy did a little time in the slammer..." I'm discovering that most of my music doesn't try to convince me of anything or persuade me to do something. Unless - of course - I'm listening to T.I., T-Pain, or Kanye West. Hip-Hop is the jackpot. They're always trying to convince me that they have the best game, best dope, they got a bird to chop, they are gonna flirt with me, or they are irreplaceable, or dang straight- you should have put a ring on her finger. Anyway, I think I'm gonna go with MIMS or T.I. MIMS claims he's the hottest there ever was, and R. Kelly ft. T.I. and T-Pain are gonna wink and you're gonna know they got it going on. Will I be convinced?? It shouldn't be too hard. They are black, handsome, sing, plus they're rich, and I'm a flirt, too.

aI lev ju: = I love you in IPA (almost)

2009-09-13T20:11:00.002-05:00

Amo la scuola. Questa semestera, ho cambiato le tutte mie classe perche ho cambiato il maggiore dello studio. Sono piu felice.
I changed my major! I am now studying Linguistics. Why?? I like languages. I have taken all the ASL classes at BYU, and up til now, they counted towards nothing except my personal, intellectual, and emotional pleasure. I would rather study a foreign language than any other subject. Linguistics gives me that opportunity. Also, a background in linguistics still qualifies me to get pursue a career in speech pathology or work on the same interdisciplinary team of a speech-pathologist. I'm so much happier to be in school and attending classes, now. So happy that I wanted to do my homework Friday night instead of going out. I have good friends, though, and they picked me up.
My phonetics class just tickles me. I have it every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday at 8 o'clock in the a.m. I wouldn't miss it for the world. All we do in class is make really funny noises with our "articulators." We trill, we practice our bilabial fricatives, and we even develop our happy valley accents by utilizing our glottal stops in words like "moun-ain" or "sa-an." (- stands for a silent t). Gosh it just cracks me up every time I go to class.
I think I grew apart from communication disorders because I kept discovering the possible fact that I myself probably have one. That's never fun to learn about. Now, I go to class where the requirement is to make all the sound I want and write in a secret code called IPA only certain individuals will ever understand. So cryptic. So inventive. Also, being a linguistics major means you must complete 15 hours of a foreign language. I have completed 16 in ASL. Turns out all of that signing and practicing wasn't for nothing.
My house is no longer hollow and empty. I've moved everything in and things are much better. The transition period is over and now I am living. I'm thinking of painting my room. One violet wall and a mustard bedspread is what I'm thinking. Any thoughts?

some sort of ray of sunshine

Guess what.

super bowl

More silly interview questions

my ideal job for right now

you think you're ready for a job interview

The Circumstantial Breakup « Thought Catalog

wax museum

mirror

tid.bit.

Christmastime

looking forward to _____________________

First things first.

One Month

????

jet lag

Sihanoukville

I keep listening to this

I really adore you, St. Vincent, but

currently

Nate, wanna switch places?

cambodia blog

my new place

grad school make me mad skool

neighborhood

Ceramics 2.0

Giddy-- (adj.) Having a sensation of whirling and a tendency to fall or stagger; dizzy. (v.) make someone feel excited to the point of disorientation.

Pottery Class

Worst Fears

GRE done.

GRE

Creativity Night

GRE study #3

GRE Study #2

GRE study

Invisible Boyfriend

Weekend in Portland

Aspen

Happy Valentine's Day

No signal

Who am I?

Currently, in my life . . .

Brother and Sister

Vacation

Time Travel

Autumn Prayer

Born to Run... with God

an Excerpt

Update

This might make you as uncomfortable as it made me.

Belleville, IL

free internet

5 hours later

Lately

bobby

jetlag.

ebay.

Daddy's Girls

abbracadabra

Day 54

Day 40

Day 35

Look what I found

Day 28

Day 7

Australia 1

Live long and prosper deathcab

What do you do when the drowning stops?

pictures coming soon

finally finals

Research

SoCal is where my mind states, but its not my state of mind.

My Marie

Seth turned 24!!!!

Future family home evening

Looking out the window at 4:53

you win some you lose some you never get to some

Took the words right out of my mouth.

Jackson Hole, I am for Real

languagesoftheworld