27 December 2009

pictures coming soon

This Christmas has been eye opening. I didn't spend it with my family. We were apart for Christmas this year. But I did spend it with my dear friend Ashley Belle and the family she lives with in Ririe, ID - the Newbys. I'm not very fond of anything north of Utah just because it gets colder and colder, but this is beautiful country. They live on a farm with Norwegian ponies, two dogs, dead wheat fields, and a forest banking the Snake River. Even when it is all frozen, it is alive. Even when it is deathly quiet, it is sparkling with wonder. There is beauty here.

On Christmas morning, I opened presents. The Newby's got me presents. Can you believe that? I had presents to open, rip, tear apart on Christmas morning! I wasn't expecting it, but lo and behold, the Newbys are angels.

I feel I didn't deserve them. I think I've been pretty selfish this holiday season. I mostly think about me, my future, my plans, my abilities, my weaknesses, my sorrows, what makes me happy. I haven't lost myself in the service of others or in the thoughtfulness for others. I could work a lot harder at being selfless I'd say. The Newbys and Ashley helped me recognize this. The simple act of holding the door open or making dinner for someone comes so naturally to some people. I thought it came naturally to me for a long time, but I think it gets a little harder as I get older. I want service and love to come naturally to me. On Christmas eve, Tennessee made 4 pies. 2 for us and 2 for a community dinner for the homeless on Christmas. She does it every year. I was so happy I could help deliver those pies. I'm not taking credit for contributing to Christmas community dinner, but it felt refreshing to finally do something for someone else, even in a microscopic away. I have a lot to owe to the Newbys and to Ashley.

This year I celebrated Christmas quietly. I wasn't with my family which I thought I could muster, but it was actually weird. I did not enjoy it, but they say you don't miss things until they are gone. Well, I certainly miss my family and warm socks. Next year I hope I'm with my family somewhere somehow.


kelly said...

well at least if you couldn't be with your family you could be with friends and not alone in provo. as for the service thing sometimes i think it is the age, you will get there, i think you are very thoughtful of others but just try and think of something small you can do for others each day and it will grow. we had a very quiet christmas too so don't feel bad, i think ki was very bored:}

Austin said...

i always thought you were so selfless for always listening to me and all my stories of everything going on in my life! i love you, and thank you for that! You're fabulous.


Brooke said...

Jessica, I love you.
Idaho sounds beautiful, even if it was a little lonely. I hope ashybelle is doing well.

This Christmas I have also been thinking a lot about what i can do better. Maybe it is that Christmas is all about Christ, and the spirit of Christ compels us to think of how we can change and improve and progress.

But... I, too, feel very selfish at this point in my life. Maybe it is the nature of young single adulthood--but I also feel like I spend too much time thinking about ME ME ME. I am ready to think about others.

It has been an experience just this last week having to think about FAMILY happiness (which isn't always easy with this many people home) rather than just personal happiness.

I think I am going to sign up for some sort of service thing next semester.