27 December 2009

pictures coming soon

This Christmas has been eye opening. I didn't spend it with my family. We were apart for Christmas this year. But I did spend it with my dear friend Ashley Belle and the family she lives with in Ririe, ID - the Newbys. I'm not very fond of anything north of Utah just because it gets colder and colder, but this is beautiful country. They live on a farm with Norwegian ponies, two dogs, dead wheat fields, and a forest banking the Snake River. Even when it is all frozen, it is alive. Even when it is deathly quiet, it is sparkling with wonder. There is beauty here.

On Christmas morning, I opened presents. The Newby's got me presents. Can you believe that? I had presents to open, rip, tear apart on Christmas morning! I wasn't expecting it, but lo and behold, the Newbys are angels.

I feel I didn't deserve them. I think I've been pretty selfish this holiday season. I mostly think about me, my future, my plans, my abilities, my weaknesses, my sorrows, what makes me happy. I haven't lost myself in the service of others or in the thoughtfulness for others. I could work a lot harder at being selfless I'd say. The Newbys and Ashley helped me recognize this. The simple act of holding the door open or making dinner for someone comes so naturally to some people. I thought it came naturally to me for a long time, but I think it gets a little harder as I get older. I want service and love to come naturally to me. On Christmas eve, Tennessee made 4 pies. 2 for us and 2 for a community dinner for the homeless on Christmas. She does it every year. I was so happy I could help deliver those pies. I'm not taking credit for contributing to Christmas community dinner, but it felt refreshing to finally do something for someone else, even in a microscopic away. I have a lot to owe to the Newbys and to Ashley.

This year I celebrated Christmas quietly. I wasn't with my family which I thought I could muster, but it was actually weird. I did not enjoy it, but they say you don't miss things until they are gone. Well, I certainly miss my family and warm socks. Next year I hope I'm with my family somewhere somehow.

17 December 2009

finally finals

Finals week always reminds me of that one Gilmore Girls episode where Rory sleeps in with her boyfriend and misses the final that determines the rest of her life the next morning.

All I have to say is I'm glad I broke it off with my secret lover on Sunday.

10 December 2009


Lately, I've been reading lots of blogs. Most belong to people I don't know, but whom I wish I knew. I googled 'head scarves' and was led to this beautiful blog belonging to a designer woman living in Seoul, SK. She is a photographer, believes in God, and drinks coffee from fancy cafes. Her blog was uplifting because she genuinely enjoyed life. It had a nice spirit. This may be worse than facebook stalking. But I came away from the whole experience feeling like "yea, that is something I can do with my life. I can travel and work and be happy and not afraid of success and adventure." That's what I thought to myself. If I was facebook stalking I would have just thought "Why are they having so much fun without me? or what... they're engaged?!"
What a waste of time.
Anyway, I was looking up head scarves because they are an art. I'm going to start wearing them. Especially when I get dreads this Christmas...

01 December 2009

21 November 2009

My Marie

is the cream of the crop
is the bee's knees
is the apple of my eye
puts the kick-ass in sass

marie is my friend for life.

18 November 2009

14 November 2009

Looking out the window at 4:53

This week has ended nicely like an airplane coming to a soft and gentle landing after a turbulent ride. There were some things I finished this week I thought I could never do a 10 minute presentation in my Advanced Writing class and a legit interview in sign language! and then the rest of school and work. Pres. Faust has this analogy about pebbles. He says that sometimes we view our problems as if they are stones along a path and instead of leaving them on the path, we hold them up to our face to examine them and then we can't see beyond them. That's sort of how I went through this week. Every obstacle was staring me in the face until I conquered it. I could have handled it a little better, but I'm good - I still have my friends, even some new friends - and that is what is most important to me.
One great part of my week was my friend Ryan, who is deaf, gave me a sign name! It is a "J" that circles the face. He used that gesture because I am from Hawaii which is an "H" that circles the face. I thought that was really sweet. I love it.
Last night, I saw This is It - Michael Jackson's movie. awwwwwwwwww I loveloveloved it. He was 50 and still working it! I wonder if he ever had knee or hip problems. He just moved so smoothly. What a criminal. I will always like Michael Jackson. This movie was so special. His dancers, his crew, everyone who helped him put on this concert respected him so much. They sort of treated him like a child, in a non-condescending way. MJ just had a vision and a determination to get there like a child has when they play make-believe. Everything he said was out of love, and he reminded everyone of that. When he gave the smallest critique, he said, 'it comes from love, l-o-v-e.' Oh man. I love him. It was just unbelievable to see him get carried away with his dancing. He was in the zone. He was the zone.
I hope he's dancing in heaven.

10 November 2009

Today at work I was scanning The Registry of Farnham. It is a book in a collection, a special collection if you will, of British registries. I found this note in the middle of this obscure book. It says: I took dogs out before I left.
All I'm saying is this person did a good thing by taking the dogs out and ceasing to read this absolutely, tirelessly long and boring, crispy book. Why were they reading it in the first place??

I just thought it was so exciting to come across some sort of life lurking among these brittle pages, stale ink, and ancient copyrights.

Ancestors on Bjork's album, Medula, creeps me out. I think its going to give me nightmares. It reminds me of those creepy Japanese horror movies I watched this past halloween. Listen to it if you dare.

09 November 2009

you win some you lose some you never get to some

Tonight my attempt at blogging is like my attempts at scripture study really late or really early- its pretty unfruitful and I'm falling asleep. Awake! So simply put, I had a weekend worth reliving hanging around Provo parts. I wish I could have seen dirty projectors and hear them sing songs like this one:

Two Doves
Geranium kisser
Skin like silk and face like glass
Don't confront me with my failures
Kiss me with your mouth open
For your love, better than wine
For your cologne is really fragrant
Call on me, call on me, call on me

Your hair is like an eagle
Your two eyes are like two doves
But our bed is like a failure
All day up in the family
At the waning of the light
To the chamber that conceived me
Call on me, call on me, call on me

Geranium killer
Throat of soil and mind like stone
Please don't defend a silver lining
Around the halo of what is already shining
When all the planets are aligning
For an afternoon that's never ending
Call on me, call on me, call on me

but I was in the right place this weekend in Provo at my house, at the grocery store, at Saratoga springs, avoiding trespassing fines, downing Theraflu, at the flea market, at Costa Vida, at Saver's with my weekend boyfriend, and my other boyfriends. and girlfriends.

05 November 2009

Took the words right out of my mouth.

Confession: I watched the You're a Jerk tutorial to learn the dance. I want to marry them.
Do you ever hear a song that says exactly what's on your mind? That happened to me today. Thrice.
the submarines|xavia
I don't wanna be
Your favorite enemy
Not when I can be loving you, alright
Why can't it be?
No two people feel
The same way at the same time
drake|the calm
Feeling so distant from everyone I've known.
To make everybody happy I think I would need a clone.
james taylor|mexico
Oh, Mexico
I never really been but I'd sure like to go
Oh, Mexico
I guess I'll have to go now

[i guess this means i'll have to make myself unavailable for everyone and everything in provo by finding a secret lover in Mexico]

03 November 2009

Jackson Hole, I am for Real

This past weekend, I went to Jackson Hole with Brent and Preston for our dear friends', Bradley and Mallory, wedding reception. Jackson Hole is sweet, but Jackson Hole with a couple of Wenger brothers is even sweeter.
It took us 8-9 hours to make it to Jackson. It should have only taken 4 or 5 but we got sidetracked and distracted by hunger, idaho potato museums, and the quaint friendliness of Rexburg. The drive through Idaho was really bleak, but as soon as we got into Wyoming everything seemed so much more charming and enchanting. It must have been the Tetons.
The wedding reception was so beautiful. We made it just in time to watch everyone leave, bid the couple farewell, depart with one last creme puff. Our only regret the whole trip was that our time was cut short at the reception, but that's because we were having so much fun on the way up.
Once we were in Jackson Hole, we stayed the night at the Roney's residence. Bro. Roney is the founder of NuSkin and his house has lots of bear skins. This house (you can't call it a house), this residence was breath taking. The rooms smelled like cedar, the art was phenomenal, the theatre was grand, the gym was cool, the butler's pantry had real pretty dishes, and the baby grand piano was singing. This was the best night ever! And we woke up to a Teton sunrise. Thank you Roney family. You are gracious.
We spent Saturday driving home but weren't too hasty as to miss some thrifting! We headed over to Browse 'n Buy to find Brent and Preston their Halloween costume. They dressed up as old men- really hysterically good-looking gray and bearded old men.
Another highlight of the trip may have been the Teton Mystery. Brent saw it on the side of the road and turned the car around to explore. It was abandoned, no one was manning Teton Mystery Post. So we snuck around the back, squeezed through the fence and had ourselves a wild rompous. The Teton Mystery is about defying gravity, you could say. It was so fun! We were laughing like little kids.
Then we came home and celebrated Halloween as funky old people would and cracked open some Martinelli's.
Our last moments of the trip together were the two times we got pulled over by the cops - once for expired registration and twice for going 20 on center street. Nothing, not even the 5-0, tainted our weekend. It was so much fun, beyond words.



p, b, & j.

filling up

number one thing to do in blackfoot

you know you've dreamed about it. we got to live it.

giant baked potato love.

northface of the Roney Residence

good morning


i made preston hold hands with me a lot

Preston and red and aspen forest in front yard

how many deer, elk, and moose had to die for this awesome picture?

thrifting in jackson hole. brent always finds good deals.

preston's 5 o'clock shadow.

faster, stronger

the teton mystery!!

red the cowboy and his bearded lady

the lean.

trying the lean.

what is it?

we definitely saw nessie, the lochness monster at Lehi Hotpots.

21 October 2009


I am in the Harold B. Lee Library of The BYU, right now. I should be doing homework, studying the legal structures of Peru, the effects of Multinational Corporations on Peru's economy and other subsequent factors of sustainable development in this wonderland country of South America, but I got distracted by a scholarship for an Intensive Language course in Germany this next summer. I've been looking into a language course for next summer all semester, and I hope it works out.

Momma would be proud of her little girl finally taking an interest in German.

pray and hope for me.

17 October 2009

Last night's wild rompus reminded me of my wild, rompatic summer with these wild things. It makes me miss children and their simple happiness.
Last night was, by far, THE funnest movie theatre experience I have ever had.
Someone dressed as Max read Where the Wild Things Are to the whole audience. It was storytelling time for a bunch of strangers in the theatre.
And then----
We played heads up, 7 up!
It's not even that I like that game so much, but I like the fact that everyone was playing together and having a good time. It was special.
I couldn't believe everyone was having so much fun together.
I think this would only happen in Utah.
I'm kinda surprised we didn't end up playing Missionary Tag, actually.

Anyway, I was just tickled the whole night. I feel like I'm never around when cool stuff like that happens. Like my friends, the Parkers, they are always stumbling upon situations where people are doing extra cool or exciting things, like for example, Brooke's professor calls their class a 'gathering' instead of a 'lecture.' (That's the only example I can think of right now, but when I think of more, I'll share)
Do you know what I mean when I say 'cool stuff like that'? I'll try to be less vague.
Fun, out-of-the-ordinary, pleasing things happen to fun, out-of-the-ordinary, pleasing people.
Last night was fun and out-of-the-ordinary and I loved it.
I want that karma to follow me in life.
I will try to be more fun.

seductive should also be on the list.

10 October 2009

mug shot.

I don't really have anything to say this time except I'm not heartbroken anymore. I really just need to update this blog so the first thing you see isn't heartbreak.

Here's a funny story in a nutshell:
went to see a show last night
tried to sneak into club
got caught
left the club
ate my emotions
didn't get to sleep til late
slept in
turned my phone off
closed the curtains
trying to rediscover my identity

not heartbroken. just a thief.

29 September 2009


If you walk away, I'll walk away.
First tell me which road you will take-
I don't want to risk our paths crossing someday.
so you walk that way, I'll walk this way.

-bright eyes.

26 September 2009

I'm gonna wink my eye and let you know I got the game

I know this picture is inappropriate, but 1) read my blog and you'll understand. 2) I took this picture on the highway next to my parent's house, exciting.

Today is Saturday. Every Saturday, I have a blog post due for my rhetoric class. This week, our assignment is to analyze the rhetoric of a song of our choosing. I'm having the hardest time choosing a song. My sad lady artist friends are just cute and sad and wise. Country songs are always telling a story, and great stories at that, "i loved becky, but her daddy did a little time in the slammer..." I'm discovering that most of my music doesn't try to convince me of anything or persuade me to do something. Unless - of course - I'm listening to T.I., T-Pain, or Kanye West. Hip-Hop is the jackpot. They're always trying to convince me that they have the best game, best dope, they got a bird to chop, they are gonna flirt with me, or they are irreplaceable, or dang straight- you should have put a ring on her finger. Anyway, I think I'm gonna go with MIMS or T.I. MIMS claims he's the hottest there ever was, and R. Kelly ft. T.I. and T-Pain are gonna wink and you're gonna know they got it going on. Will I be convinced?? It shouldn't be too hard. They are black, handsome, sing, plus they're rich, and I'm a flirt, too.

14 September 2009

aI lev ju: = I love you in IPA (almost)

Amo la scuola. Questa semestera, ho cambiato le tutte mie classe perche ho cambiato il maggiore dello studio. Sono piu felice.
I changed my major! I am now studying Linguistics. Why?? I like languages. I have taken all the ASL classes at BYU, and up til now, they counted towards nothing except my personal, intellectual, and emotional pleasure. I would rather study a foreign language than any other subject. Linguistics gives me that opportunity. Also, a background in linguistics still qualifies me to get pursue a career in speech pathology or work on the same interdisciplinary team of a speech-pathologist. I'm so much happier to be in school and attending classes, now. So happy that I wanted to do my homework Friday night instead of going out. I have good friends, though, and they picked me up.
My phonetics class just tickles me. I have it every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday at 8 o'clock in the a.m. I wouldn't miss it for the world. All we do in class is make really funny noises with our "articulators." We trill, we practice our bilabial fricatives, and we even develop our happy valley accents by utilizing our glottal stops in words like "moun-ain" or "sa-an." (- stands for a silent t). Gosh it just cracks me up every time I go to class.
I think I grew apart from communication disorders because I kept discovering the possible fact that I myself probably have one. That's never fun to learn about. Now, I go to class where the requirement is to make all the sound I want and write in a secret code called IPA only certain individuals will ever understand. So cryptic. So inventive. Also, being a linguistics major means you must complete 15 hours of a foreign language. I have completed 16 in ASL. Turns out all of that signing and practicing wasn't for nothing.
My house is no longer hollow and empty. I've moved everything in and things are much better. The transition period is over and now I am living. I'm thinking of painting my room. One violet wall and a mustard bedspread is what I'm thinking. Any thoughts?

01 September 2009

Choose Your Poison

Today was the first day of school. These days, the first day of school is not nearly as exciting as the first day of middle school, or even high school. I didn't have any new clothes, although beautiful Brooke let me borrow a shirt since all my things are packed away in my new hollow house with no sink or bathtub. It was a sweet shirt. I didn't have any new school supplies, just an orange binder in which I managed to jam a text book, syllabi and note cards.
While I waited in line to pick up the third of the textbooks I could afford, this guy behind me started talking to me.
"How are you?"
I looked around awaiting to hear an answer from someone, then turned, "Are you talking to me?"
Nod. Then I said, "I'm fine, Thank you , and yourself?"
I don't remember what he said, I just took the moment to take in who exactly I was talking to. A very tall, rotund man who seemed to have had a tough time making it up the stairs.
The next question: "So what's your poison?"
The question seemed appropriate according to my thought process: "arsenic, rat poison, anything but school." But in light of the moment, I didn't quite understand,
"As far as textbooks go...?"
"What are you studying? I'm a firm believer that everyone's major slowly kills them."
"Oh. I'm studying speech pathology. For a long time I didn't know if that is what I wanted, but I had a great summer, and I know that's what I want to do. What are you studying?"
(saw that coming).
Anyway, as rude as this blog is, my creepy acquaintance helped me realize that I do have a purpose for being here even if I feel depressed about school. My major is not slowly killing me, not if I don't let it.
I did have a great summer, I do miss those kids every day with my whole mind and heart. I do want to do well at BYU, I do I do I do I do.
Just do it Red.
It helps the process of BYU along when I walk into the bookstore and reunite with my very most wonderful-dedicated friend from high school, Kathleen after a couple years. I praise God everyday for His wonderful creations.

18 August 2009

Family Portrait

This is our most recent incomplete family portrait. I made Indian and made us dress up as ... Afghanistans?
insert Nathanial on right.
I say goodbye tomorrow at 9 a.m. to my turban-wearing father and sari-donning mother.
Back to school, back to Provo, back to life.